remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
