literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
