Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
