This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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