Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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