Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
