just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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