talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
