3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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