he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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