So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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