We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
