He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
