AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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