he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just had sex on a roof
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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