I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
