he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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