Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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