he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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