So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
