i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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