Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
