who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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