Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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