i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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