you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
