Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
