I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I need moral support for this bender
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
