if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
