I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
