so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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