My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
