No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
