So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
