my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
