Where is the hickey?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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