the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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