just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
