the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
