if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Randomize
