her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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