I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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