On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
