This is not my ceiling
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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