Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Vodka?
Forever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
