I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
