This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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