if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
