the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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