You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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